Somehow, an actual miracle has happened to me today, and I am still in shock. Like an honest to god sort of Jesus Christ type of miracle. I don’t experience days like this too often in my life, and at least for today, I am happy and feel truly happy in my heart. Let me explain:
The Ugly - My boss, rather unfairly and possibly illegally (according to those in the business) chose me to get the axe at work last week. I’m the girl in the office who has two job titles, who works harder than most people (Well, the hardest, but then it will sound like I’m just bragging, when I’m only being truthful) and who has more seniority than many others who were saved. Not only was it handled without compassion, but he did it to coincide with the day of my scheduled surgery; only to have him move it up a day, which makes me think he wanted to hurt me so that I wouldn’t get to take a paid medical leave or be allowed to qualify for unemployment while I was recovering for six weeks. And, oh yeah, my insurance would run out a few days after. Plus my hubby’s insurance, which sucks compared to mine, doesn’t even cover gynecological visits.
I’ve heard my doctor call him a swear word, had another doctor ask me what this man’s personal vendetta is against me, and have even heard from the least compassionate co-worker there tell me that this was bullshit. If THAT person thought this, then you know it was wrong. I have been a train wreck since last week, not only because I am scared to have this surgery, scared of the complications I could have due to my medical history, but I’ve also never had a baby and I’m having that whole thing with feeling sorry for myself for never being able to have my husband’s baby. To have to worry about losing a job in a state with 14.1 % unemployment, worry about the medical costs of a surgery that possibly wasn’t going to be fully covered if I had to stay in the hospital for an extended time, or to have to worry about not collecting unemployment OR disability for weeks (Or months, if they denied it, like what happened to my friend’s mom, FOR TWO YEARS, as she had a similar thing happen to here.) has been HORRIBLE. I’ve had a lot of stress in my life, but this I felt was going to give me the big one. Yesterday I think I was in shock from the stress because I felt weird and was sweating and cold all at once and I was hysterically crying and driving and somehow today it all just disappeared.
The Good – Yesterday my boss called me into his office (Very cleverly, I had a friend stand outside his door) and I left the door open so she could hear what he was saying. Because I knew it was weird. He was all nice, offering me letters of recommendations, promised to let me know if he heard of any job openings anywhere, and asked me how I was feeling. Um, what? I was confused, to say the least. The man has never been nice to me, and I could see how it hurt him to be fake like this. He hates me, and no one, not even me, knows why. Even my own supervisor says I’m sorry if I mention his dislike for me. It is that obvious. When he told me that I lost my job all he said was “it wasn’t based on seniority” and left it at that. Then he blamed the decision on picking me to get cut, rather than others who were more deserving, on a person who is not his boss, and who legally wouldn’t make decisions like this in our office. This person is someone who is above his station, but not the boss, if you understand what I mean. (I don’t say what I do/where I work for obvious reasons. I’ve barely ever even blogged about work, unless it was an emergency, like today, or last week. Where I work or what I do for a living doesn’t matter, except for a day like today.)
This morning, he pulls me in again, and no one is around to listen outside the door again, so I’m bracing myself for the worst. When I heard the words “I have never had to delete a position before, and I didn’t know that I couldn’t do it“ … I was in shock. There was more, but I have to edit it for privacy reasons. Basically, he tells me that my last day is now in three months, that I can take my medical leave, and that I can even take more time off due to my FMLA if I want, so I can take my paid medical leave and keep my insurance through the whole thing. No big deal that he about killed me last week with stress. He just made a mistake.
I know that somewhere, somehow, someone must have told him what the fuck, and busted him, and told him to stop putting me through this, even if it is just temporary. Not only have I changed the type of surgery I’m having, as I can have the safer and quicker method now, but I have also been allowed to move up the date to early next week. (I have an ovarian cyst that is larger than my actual ovary, it is painful as hell, and I’m bleeding a lot, so that is why the surgery got bumped up.) While I am thrilled that I get to keep my insurance, and stop worrying about bills while I’m recovering, I still am going to lose my job. Life is never fair, but today, at least for a few hours, it was, and I am so thankful to whoever it was that basically saved my soul today. Thank you kind stranger or known friend who hasn’t come forward yet. I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU WERE LOOKING OUT FOR ME!
I came home to a wonderful gift from Maureen, a fellow blogger who I met because of one of my favorite writers. We met in person a few months ago, and I just adore her. She is one of those rare, genuine people you meet in your lifetime. She blogs, but she also really writes, and her stuff is good and someday soon I know she will get a book deal. You can check her out here. She sent me a box full of stuff to help me start writing my book again. (Yes, I haven’t started yet, like an ass.) Magazines, novels, even websites, and she is sharing every trick and secret she knows about getting published. It was fabulous to come home happy, and then to see this kindness waiting in a box for me!
There was more in my mail today when I arrived home - Literature and notes from one of my doctors. I had to cancel a bunch of appointments because of losing my job, as hubby’s insurance gives me around a $70 co-pay for each specialist. When you have ten doctors, and not-fantastic insurance, you have to make that choice between who to keep and who to let go. I asked the office to ask him if he understood my situation, and if he could send me any info in the mail to help treat me. He did, and he basically is giving me free medical care by mail. Now, here is the kicker – he was a new doctor, and I’ve only seen him once. How cool is that?
I could tell you even better stuff about another doctor of mine, but you never know who is reading, so trust me, the stuff my other doctor did even tops this! And my god, don’t even get my started on my surgeon. I adore her for all that she and her office has done for me over the past few weeks. Her assistant has spent a total of 100 minutes of time just talking to me and trying to help. What other office does that for a patient.
The Bad -I got squeezed into my dentist this week. I knew with the news from Mayo Clinic about my genetic disorder, and weakening of tissues and the whole Sicca Complex thing it wasn’t going to be just a cleaning. (I have dry eyes, skin and mouth. Like an autoimmune condition called Sjogren’s Syndrome, but not. Hard to explain.) I have to use artificial tears and saliva all day long. Weird, right?) My dentist told me eighteen months ago that I was going to need oral surgery, because I have an extra set of wisdom teeth, they are so far back that he can’t even fill them if I get a cavity. Quick dental recap. My dentist now is the first and only dentist I have ever seen. Never had dental care until I was 31. I have a perfect set of straight teeth, as I brush and floss daily and have done so almost my entire life. I had five cavities when I met him, and they were small cavities at that. In the past six years, I’ve gotten three more, and then Tuesday he told me about the two new cavities. When you have Sicca Complex, your mouth is so dry, the lack of saliva causes cavities, and worse, can cause them to decay, crack, or fall out. I am paranoid and a freak about three things and I pray to god none of them every happens to me: I am terrified about being found dead (and naked) by someone who knows me; paranoid about losing a body part, like a finger or a foot; and I’m terrified to ever have a tooth missing from my mouth. Now, I know those fears sound weird, but hey, I’m weird, and if I’m admitting my weirdness on my website, so what, get over it. I had to hold up my finger and tell him “I’m having a hysterectomy, and I am getting laid off the day before the surgery. Whatever you have to tell me has to wait six months. I can’t handle it. So, unless I’m dying or something needs emergency fixing, do not tell me.” So he didn’t, and for now I am breathing a sigh of relief. Sadly, I had to buy a certain kind of tooth paste, alcohol free fluoride treatment, and a special tooth brush. $37 for two of everything. Even though I need to save, my teeth can’t fall out. I can suffer through anything else, but when it comes to my mouth … oh hell no.
So, Tuesday is the big day. I’m going to the show. (Ok, the hospital, but I was drifting off and thinking of Bull Durham and Kevin Costner back in his heyday.) Losing two organs, and hopefully not the third. I really don’t want to go into menopause at my age. I may not post until after the surgery. I haven’t slept in weeks. I’ve just been freaking out in my bed, or watching reruns all night long. I need to catch up on sleep as I can’t sleep in public and hospital rooms are the worst for me. If I don’t post until next weekend or later, if things go badly, you will know why. Hopefully one of my friends will update on my status in the comments. The Big A, you up for that?
Again, thanks to everyone who has emailed me or left me very nice comments over the past week. Little Miss, I love you for all of your advice and listening to me last week. As soon as I can I promise to visit all of you on your blogs. I hope everyone else is doing ok. I’m so behind on my blog reading it is shameful. Even worse, I’m behind on reading books and have just purchased myself a “thank god you didn’t lose your health insurance or disability pay and your job is safe for three more months” book – The Girls from Ames. Memoir of eleven childhood friends taking them into forty years of friendship. Right up my alley. I hope it is fabulous, as it is coming to the hospital along with Pygmy.