John Grogan, journalist and author of the beloved Marley & Me has struck gold again with his second memoir The Longest Trip Home.  I fell in love with The Longest Trip Home within a matter of pages, and it wasn’t because I am a sucker for memoirs.  I loved it simply because it hit home for me; it was relatable, both funny and sad, and most importantly, it is about family and how hard it is to be a part of one.  I could gush and go on and on, but let me say this – when I cry for a full hour during the last chapters of a book and I feel good about it, then I know that book came into my life for a certain reason.  It isn’t important for me to share my reasons with you today, but I will say that I enjoy reading all types of books, and sometimes it feels great to have a good cry about someone else’s life for a change. 

I wanted to read this book because Mr. Grogan and I both grew up in Michigan, just miles apart from one another.  I hadn’t read Marley & Me or seen the film, but I knew almost everyone else on the planet adored his first memoir, so I took a chance as I figured he had to be a good writer.  (He was.)  When I began to read the book, I found out how similar we were, as we each screwed up in high school and even graduated from the same college.  What I didn’t expect was that while we had very different families, ethnicities, parenting styles, and even pets, we both struggled with our religion (Catholicism) and we each tried to please our family at a time when no one else was “being good.”  Even though I was raised in my poor white trash hood a decade later, we still had the same problems.  

The Longest Trip Home reveals the Grogan family duality, as his parent’s home was filled with religious shrines, crosses and Madonnas, and John’s secret and separate world included home grown marijuana plants, tormented older neighbors and even bad altar boy shenanigans including getting liquored up on communion wine.  His father was a man of faith and community and he always helped others, while John sold underground newspapers and terrorized his old man neighbor.  John was like any typical teenage boy who had very atypical parents.  No matter what he did it was wrong to someone else.

John Grogan grew apart from his parents when he let go of his Catholic faith.  As with any family, it is hard when your parents, wife, children and siblings differ from you.  Thankfully for John he was able to come to his own conclusions about religion, while maintaining the peace between his not-so-religious wife and his very devout mother.  Every man is pulled in the opposite direction when it comes to both the ladies in their lives, but in John’s case, his wife had no interest in Catholicism and his mother was so religious that she performed secret emergency baby baptisms, and somehow he managed to stay connected to both.

My favorite line in the book was near the end, when John was reflecting back on the day he and his father sailed for the last time.  Mr. Grogan’s father gave him the secret of life when he was giving him the sailing tips - “Small corrections” and ”Life is all about small, continuous corrections.”  I just found those lines to be so true.  What happens next showed John how unpredictable life can be and before he knew it, the boat had capsized, and later, he finds himself in the middle of the circle of life, never an easy place to be in.

You can find John Grogan’s website here, and his blog here.  Read both, he is an interesting man and has a lot to offer to his fans.  Before I forget, I already went out and grabbed a copy of Marley & Me, and I’m nearly finished with it.  As of right now I like The Longest Trip Home more than Marley & Me, so if you loved his first book, you have got to go out and pick up his second book now!

*Many thanks to the ladies over at TLC Book Tours who not only introduced me to this wonderful author, but who once again gave me the honor of being a book tour host for them.

Is it me, or did “V” rock tonight?  I totally loved it and plan on watching it for the rest of the season.  However, my fellow sci-fi lovin’ husband disagreed with me and after thirty minutes he gave up and left, muttering something about not being able to stomach any more drivel.  So, if you hated this show, I can take it. 

I don’t have time to do a huge post, as I’ve been awake for twenty-nine hours straight, I’m also watching the Kathy Griffin “Balls of Steel” comedy special, and I still have to write another post tonight as well as search for a job before I crash and finally go to bed.  Let me quickly say the following about the show as well as a little background.

“V” is a remake an 80’s miniseries that was so successful that it had another miniseries sequel, which then gave birth to the TV show that aired in 84-85.  I was much more of a sci-fi nerd then, so I was all over those programs.  The current 2009 TV show “V” is about aliens who come to earth in their big fancy space crafts.  The kicker is that they are led by the beautiful Anna and they look exactly like humans, and they are friendly.  Instead of aliens, they call themselves visitors, and so does everyone else.  Thus, “V” for short or the V’s.  People are getting used to them, they are nice, give free tours to the ships, and you seem to forget they are even aliens.  Then, the shite hits the fan when we find out the “terrorist” cell the FBI agents are following are really humans trying to stop the V’s from taking over the Earth, as they of course are lying and hiding the fact they are terrorists.  If you hate sci-fi, can’t stand the thought of things like this, you could handle this show. 

ABC is nicely doing a job to make it mainstream and “normal” looking to appease the broader non-nerd sci-fi audience.  And when I say nerd, I only mean it out of love.  I am a nerd, and I love all nerds and embrace nerdiness.  Nerds rule.  Perhaps this move might actually alienate (Ha ha, get it, alienate) hardcore sci-fi fans such as my hubby, because of the small details such as when FBI Agent Erica Evans (aka Juliet from LOST, played by Elizabeth Mitchell) points out something the V’s said which didn’t make sense, as it hints that they had been to Earth before.   Normally we nerds like to guess about these things, because the speculation is more fun than the actual material at times.  Plus they are throwing in all the hotness they find.  My god, they even have good old Scott Wolfe (Bailey Sallinger from Party of Five) playing Chad Decker, a journalist who gets tricked by the V’s.  Even better, teen lust, to get the teens hooked, which is why the show is on at 8pm in my mind.  Hell, why not, look at these two?

Basically, the show boils down to one thing – who can you trust?  How do people know what is right and how can you be sure of the choices you make and what to believe or not to believe?  Will devotion get in the way of the truth?  Oh, I can’t wait to find out.  We all face these types of questions, but when these Visitors look like humans and talk humans all with a pretty faces and hot bodies, how can you not be suckered in?  How can you tell who is human, or who is alien?  When you think of it, the show is kind of like politics, but with much bigger racks.  I’m in for next week, but are you?

I love Halloween!  I love the whole spirit of dressing up and making people laugh with my Halloween costumes each year.  It is the only day of the year where you and random strangers drop the shield and can just laugh and have fun, and you can be disguised while doing it.  It isn’t the same as New Years Eve, St. Patrick’s Day, and the night before Thanksgiving.  Halloween is such a fun day and I’m a little sad that I don’t have a job to go today so that I can attempt to win our annual Halloween costume contest. 

I loved being ridiculously silly at my old civil service job, and every year I’d make sure to visit all of our departments so we could all have a good laugh, because when the public would see me dressed up as Michael Jackson, and I would be doing the moonwalk, or walk around with my own umbrella holder, well, they would forget all about bitching at you that day and just be happy. 

This year I had an 80s party to go to and instead of wearing vintage 80s clothes like I had originally planned, as I still miss the banana clip, I decided to go with a movie-themed costume. 

 

I dressed up as Jennifer Beals as Alex from Flashdance, which was pretty funny in my own mind, but I’ll let you be the judge.  We had some music technical difficulties, so I never got to dance my routine to Oh, What a Feeling!  Just visualize me dancing here.

I enjoy the whole creating-your-own-Halloween-costume thing, and I thought I could give some of you last minute Halloween costume people some ideas, and being a huge fan of movies, I thought a movie character list would work and be fun.  Plus, Salvation Army has tons of clothes at cheap prices.  Sometimes, just going through the racks will inspire you to come up with something.

• Wayne or Garth from Wayne’s World – Flannel, jeans, and attitude.  A guitar would so make you not worthy. 
• Marty McFly from Back to the Future – Red vest, skateboard, jeans.
• Jake or Elwood Blues from The Blues Brothers – Black suit, back hat, black sunglasses.
• Alex from Clockwork Orange – Just need a black bowler hate, while clothes, and one fake eyelash and mascara.
• Carrie - Prom dress and fake blood.  Long red hair or wig would pull it off nicely.
• Marry Poppins – Umbrella, carpet bag, and overcoat, with a nice little hat to top it off.
• Elliot and ET – My friend M. did this with her dad as a kid and it is still my favorite Halloween story of all time, since they did it right after the movie came out.  He wore a red hoodie and put her in the bike basket, and she was wearing some little brown felt thing to make her look ET-ish, while wrapped in a blanket. 
• Brady Bunch – Got a group of people?  This would be so much fun to do, just get some groovy clothes and learn the moves to Keep on movin’.  My friend K. tells me she did this once, and has no photos from that night, which breaks my heart. 
• Angelina Jolie at the Oscars, for her role in Girl, Interrupted - I dressed up as this in 2003, since my Daisy Duke costume wasn’t going to be appropriate for work.  I had the wig, the dress and the state all laying around my house.  
• One of the Hanson Brothers from Slapshot- Here I am in 1995.  Love this movie.

Not many of my girlfriends had seen the movies, but every guy I ran into died when they saw me in this.  So dudes, this clip is for you:

Got any of your own tips?  What have you dressed up in the past?  Let me hear them!

I love doing short photo posts, especially since I am in need of a time saver today!  I am a busy step-mom who has to grocery shop, finish reading a book, make dinner, make lunches, help with homework, then help make a million chocolate tortilla’s for my daughter’s Day of the Dead celebration in school tomorrow, as well as attend my last grant writing course tonight, all by 11:00pm tonight.

This photo was taken a few weeks ago at The Henry Ford, located in Dearborn, Michigan, where we have a family membership.  Love that place, and if you have never been, please go, it is the best museum in Michigan.  The DIA is a close second, but The Henry Ford honestly has something for everyone in your family, no matter how old or young they are.

Can you guess which city this famous sign came from?

First person to comment with the right answer wins, and you can come with me to The Henry Ford for free, as well as bring two of your children to tag along.  Unfortunately, this contest applies to Michigan residents only.

I try to keep my “negative” thoughts limited to my semi-weekly blog posts tittled I’m So Damn Sick Of.  This week has been a challenging week for me, and I’m attempting to put a positive spin on the negatives, hopefully.  I never sit down and plan these posts, they literally flow out of my brain and fingers.

Costs that are skyrocketing for food and household supplies - Is it me, or have any of you noticed how much more certain items cost at your local stores?  For awhile, I was paying like $3.00 for a gallon of milk if I couldn’t get to Costco or we had a milk emergency.  Finally, price wars has put milk under $2 in my neighborhood.  That being said, other items that I buy have went up $1, $1.50, $2, even $3 or $4.  Within a month.  Now, I live in Michigan, where the economy sucks, so I don’t know if it is nationwide.  All I know is that I am so sick of having to cut back on food for my family.  I freaked out today when a child in my house took the last of the lunch snacks which are specifically for lunches only, and it just wasn’t because I don’t have time to go grocery shopping tomorrow.  It is because to replace the trail mix, it is going to cost me $13.99 instead of the $9.99 it used to be a year ago. 

However, I have a few positive things to share.  One, Costco is now going to accept food stamps, and two, Kmart has a program where you can get a 20% off discount card on all the items their Kmart brand makes.  It it is called their Smart Assist Savings Program.  You sign up, print out your card which is good for six months, and bring your unemployment letter to show the cashier. 

School budgets in Michigan being slashed – In my state, our Governor has decided to cut school funding K-12 by $127 per child.  Now, nobody likes that, but if people had been paying attention to the budge last July, they would have found that out much earlier when they could have seen plans for 2/3 of our state programs being cut completely.  Even our library department budget is being slashed and I wrote passionately about it in August. 

I’m personally affected because my child no longer has weekend busing, so with all her events being on Saturdays, the coaches are expecting us parents to drive our kids and their teammates to and from events that may be up to four hours roundtrip.  Her sport lasts many hours, and with my husband and I going down to one car; our entire family has to either go to each game, or those who stay home can’t have plans to go anywhere for an entire day without securing a ride. 

I’m actually more concerned about the liability of driving other kids on icy unsalted Michigan roads for four hours rather than being forced to hang out a competition for six hours.  That is why god made books.  So, getting to my positive point, if you want to help your kids, their schools, and in the long run, yourselves out, write, email and call your senators and you can begin to educate yourself here.  And, for more resources, visit the Michigan Legislature to see what bills are being passed, considered, or dying in session.  To find out who you need to voice your opinion to, go here to find your State Representative, and go here to find your State Senator.  Please take action if you want action taken for your children.

Electronic friendships replacing our personal relationships - Sure, we all read and love our blogs, Facebook, IM, texts, email, and whatever else that’s available out there, but I am sad for the old days.  Remember letters?  My goodness, when I was in college I was writing to over twenty people a week.  I love it when my mother-in-law brings out letters from when her husband was in the war, and she lets us read how beautiful his words were to her.  My husband has the same way with letters, and we somehow have both gotten away from letter writing, which totally sucks.  

I even miss phone calls that lasted forever.  Sure, on rare occasions I have those, but now most of my phone calls last under five minutes.  Or it is all just texts.  I miss when my friends called me, or even picked up their phones for me when I called them and we could talk and make plans to do things, rather than just having a relationships via Facebook.  I just deleted my personal Facebook account because it took too much of my free time checking two accounts with living life and job searching and having visual problems.  I did a test and nearly didn’t text a soul for an entire week, and guess what?  Not one phone call was returned.  I think I sent out six texts, and one or two were even answered.  I thought technology was supposed to save us time and energy, but then why is it that I feel more pressured and time crunched and have to rush to do too many things now.  Why, when I am unemployed, do I spend more time online that I did when I worked eight hours in a cubicle and was online all day?  To make matters worse, one of our computers doesn’t have the strength for the internet, so it is rendered useless to the family, and our main computer just blew its monitor, so we are down to one computer for four people, and my laptop is four years old and basically sucks.  The other night my word spellcheck wasn’t even working.  Always fun when you are sending resumes out. 

When my friend got mad at me for not commenting enough on her children’s new pictures on Facebook, it really got me thinking.  Is this what society has come to?  In the old days we would have saved time to meet, have lunch, and look at the pictures.  Now, we get mad at each other when someone who hit likes should have left multiple comments.  I know that she just was thrilled to have great pictures of her kids, and maybe didn’t realize that I am not able to be on Facebook all the time because I have to write letters to doctor’s offices for billing mistakes, or write emails trying to get clinical trials on top of my usual work load.  Computer use was limited all weekend long.  I have ADHD and it is killing me to keep up with everything.  All week I have been staying up until 6 am so that I can have time to search for jobs for five hours a day, plus blog, and read and respond to the 300 emails I receive daily on top of reviewing and responding to every single Facebook message, photo, comment, etc.  I am sorry if my photo comments were lacking on the beautiful pictures of your children, but perhaps you can realize that I am simply an old-fashioned girl who just needs a phone call from time to time.

And when I wrote hilarious, I meant  it.  Just read what Mr. Twitter King has said in the past:

I don’t read.  I don’t watch the TV shows that are about that.  I don’t read the magazines that make things up about people.  I know what the truth is.  I don’t sort of indulge in my own fodder.  I don’t really care what they write about me.  – Ashton Kutcher

Right, he doesn’t even read, yet he posted this on his Twitter account recently: “@frostillicus123 spell appreciated right when you are insulting me.”

Obviously he reads what people are saying about him.  I shook his hand once when he autographed a script for me of That 70’s Show.  It was limp.  And you wonder why 3,891,818 people follow him on Twitter so they can read what he is talking about. 

And then we have Lindsay Lohan.  Oh Lindsay. 

“I watch people, I just sit there and kind of observe what’s going on around me and see if other people have changed.  I know what that looks like and I don’t want to be that kind of person.  It’s bad karma.” – Lindsay Lohan

A tweet from Lindsay’s Twitter page, just illustrating my point about how her life is changed for the worse.

“Nothing a police escort in Paris! Talk about riding in style hehe! Thanks Dimitri! http://twitvid.com/420A8“

She should have remembered about that bad karma.  I can not believe how much she has changed.  From freckles and Disney to Firecrotch to Lesbian to a nobody who has to make the news with a home break-in story rather than her latest film.  You were good kid, real good.

 

  

Jude Law.  Oh boy, the road you’ve chosen for yourself. 

“Those years when you’ve suddenly allowed legally into bars and clubs, and the world suddenly you realize is offering itself to you.  I would say I guess that if you look at my life, I was always someone who looked for commitment and that was in my make-up.” - Jude Law

Jude, how do you define ccommittment?  First, there was your failed relationship with Sadie Frost, your ex-wife and mother of three of your children.  She divorced you allegedly because you cheated on her.  Then you cheated on your ex-girlfriend Sienna Miller with your kid’s babysitter to everyone’s horror.  Then you get back together was Sadie Frost, and then knock it was some struggling actress after a family holiday?  Now, the baby-mamma actress Samantha Burke has your daughter last week, and this week you come back full circle to date Sienna Miller again?  My head is spinning.

P.S.  For the love of god, please go get hair plugs.

I’ve got plenty of great book news this week. 

First, I’m reminding all of you that our first Ghetto Girl Book Club begins two weeks from tonight.  Since The Girl from the Ghetto is newly unemployed, we are working with books I can check out from the library as well as the books I have in my own personal library.  Hopefully we will be moving on to new books in the future months.  Book Club is November 10th, and we are reading Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen and watching the movie as well. 

Have you read it yet, or obtained your copy?  Don’t forget that we are also comparing and contrasting the book to the film.  And for those who didn’t get to finish the book, you can share your thoughts on the movie.  I’m really excited to do this online book club, and I hope it is fun for all of you.  Remember your thoughts are as important as mine, and nothing you share is wrong, as it will be your opinion.   

St. Martin’s Press.  Cover Art by Phil Mazzone.

Second, Augusten Burroughs  is on tour with his new book which was released today, YOU BETTER NOT CRY: Stories for Christmas.  I am so excited to read this book, and it is killing me not to be able to afford to buy it today.  Those of you who have started it, please let me know what you think, but don’t spoil it for me.  His tour starts tonight in Chicago, and if I had someone to drive twelve hours with me, I would have went.  I flew to Durham, N.C. earlier this year to hear him read with his BFF Haven Kimmel, and the two were wonderful together.  Augusten is a brilliant writer, and a fantastic speaker.  Please, go see him if you get the chance!

Augusten’s Tour Dates:

Chicago, IL
Tuesday, October 27 @ 7:00 PM
Discussion and Signing
Music Box Theatre
3733 N. Southport Ave.
Chicago, IL 60613
773.935.3909
Hosted by Borders Books
$5 with purchase of book, $10 without.
 
Boston, MA
Thursday, October 29 @ 6:00 PM
Discussion and Signing
Coolidge Theater
290 Harvard Street
Brookline, MA 02446
617.566.6660
Hosted by Brookline Booksmith
Seating is at 5:45
Price is $5
 
New York, NY
Monday, November 2 @ 7:00 PM
Discussion and Signing
Barnes & Noble
Union Square
212.253.0810
Free + open to public
 
Atlanta, GA
Wednesday, November 4 @ 6:30 PM
Discussion and Signing
 class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”">SCAD Auditiorium
1600 Peachtree Street
Atlanta, GA 30309
Hosted by Outwrite Books
404.253.3206
Lecture free + open to public
Book sales: personal check or cash only
 
Miami, FL
Friday, November 6 @ 8:00 PM
Discussion and Signing
Books & Books
265 Aragon Ave.
Miami, FL 33134
305.442.4408
Free + open to public

Austin, TX
Monday, November 9 @ 7:00 PM
Discussion and Signing
Book People
603 N. Lamar St.
Austin, TX 78703
512.472.5050
Free + open to public

Portland, OR
Wednesday, November 11 @ 7:00 PM
Discussion and Signing
Bagdad Theater
3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd.
Portland, OR 97214
503.236.9234
Hosted by Powell’s Books
$22 advance and day of
 

Ticket price includes a copy of the book. Tickets available at Bagdad Theater box office, the Crystal Ballroom box office, Ticketmaster.com, and all Ticketmaster outlets.

 

Third, I have just heard that Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus, writers of  The Nanny Diaries have written a follow up novel called Nanny Returns.

 The book will be released in stores on December 15 - just in time for the holidays and those last-minute shoppers.  I loved the first book, and can’t wait to read the second.  What I’m most excited to share with you is that you can enter a contest on their website to win a free copy of Nanny Return.   

http://www.emmaandnicola.com/

They are asking readers to choose new cover art for their NY Times bestseller Dedication.  If you vote, you can be one of five who will win an advanced and signed copy of Nanny Returns.  The contest ends October 31st, and it is easy and fun to enter.  I voted for cover A, just in case you were wondering.  You can catch a sneak peek of Nanny Returns on the website on November 2nd. 

Seriously, this is the worst bed head I’ve ever had.  I think the hour I spent hitting the snooze button had something to do with it.

I know, I sleep in Hello Kitty pj’s.  What can I say?  I’m still a girl at heart. 

 

Am I right?  This little fellow is the cutest thing ever.  I could literally eat him up.

Why do stupid people do the things they do?  More importantly, why do they always seem to find me to act stupid in front of?  I must have a big stupid magnet attached to me, or god forbid, have been a stupid person myself in a former life.  I am beginning to think that I actually find stupid people more offensive than drug dealers, Lady Gaga, Diablo Cody  jumping on the vampire bandwagon, NBC’s decision to put Jay Leno on at 10:00 PM every night, the people who cancelled Arrested Development, and all reality shows that end in “Of Love.”  Don’t worry Jon and Kate Gosselin, Balloon Boy family, and all the nutters who refuse to believe in global warming, you all are still equally footed with stupid people, since you all are being stupid yourselves.

When I write that I hate stupid people, I’m not talking about the folks with minor stupid crimes, like the cell phone shoppers who take up an entire aisle at the grocery store while talking at full volume.  Those people are just selfish and don’t care that they are bothering the public, which is why I feel no shame in sharing here that I either loudly say excuse me twice or just accidentally hit their carts on purpose to let them know of their shameful ways. 

No, I am talking about the major offenders, the types of people who either don’t think of the consequences, the people who make horribly wrong judgments, or those who obviously don’t care how their decisions will affect others.

For instance, within the past year I have read about five children that have been hit by cars in my community that are speeding and have illegally passed a stopped school bus.  So far, three of these children have died.  These crimes were committed by three women and one man, and all the children were in middle or high school, crossing the street to the bus or even just standing still waiting for the bus.   Who in the hell thinks that it is ok to pass a school bus just because they are a little late for work?  All I can say is, OMG!

Today I picked up the local newspaper, and I read about yet another young woman who endangered a child in my neighborhood.  She was drunk driving and crashed her car with her two-year old in it.  How stupid … who drives drunk with kids in their cars?  People of Michigan, do you know that having a previous drunk driving charge and then getting caught driving with a minor in your car can get you charged with a Felony?  My god, the dumb things people do just to have fun for a few hours.  Stupid people, please plan ahead.  Having even just two drinks in two hours means you most likely are driving legally drunk or impaired.   

I am also painfully aware of the 50,000 Detroiters who stood in line for hours pushing, shoving, screaming and even threatening to shoot each other at Cobo Hall earlier this month.  All were there to get federal relief money to help pay their bills.  Certainly not everyone there was stupid, but the fights were so severe that six people were taken away in ambulances and 150 cops were called to the scene.  The news broadcast literally frightened me.  Want to know the stupidest part?  Not only did organizers come unprepared by only having 5,000 applications for 50,000 when they knew the city of Detroit has nearly 30% unemployment, but the fights began because the people in line believed they were going to get cash in hand that day.  Even stupider, scam artists were selling fake applications and when those who bought them found out their applications were fake, they were told on the scene, not later, quietly and by mail, as they should have been to prevent the riots in the first place.   

I was at a grant writing class that took a year to get into, as it was free and classes are usually around $400.  To my horror, I was in a computer lab that could hold 30 people, but the instructor went on and on about how the nine students she had was too large of a group to teach.  Even more stupider was that I had to listen to my classmates ask stupid questions during the entire presentation such as how did you find that website when our instructor talked clearly had it spelled out on the handouts as well as up on the monitor to follow along.  I nearly lost it when my neighbor said she couldn’t get to a document due to a pop up, and in a panic yelled out pop up!  I had to show her how to open it by literally reaching over and hitting accept.   She thinks she is going to be so internet savvy after this class that she can handle professional grant writing?  I was so upset after that I spit out my gum and kept blowing my garlic breath in her general direction to disgust her as much as she disgusted me.  (Side note – ask me about the best pasta dish ever that only takes 15 minutes to make.  MMMMMM . …)  If you want to be a grant writer for non-profits agencies, I personally feel you need to know how to write and speak without sounding like an a-hole.  One idiot went on and on and after wasting thirty minutes of my time, she still didn’t get what the teacher was rather rudely telling her.  Lady, if you knew what people in the non-profit industry actually make, you’d never agree to sign up for that class in the first place.  For instance, my friend once told me she took a $50,000 pay cut to work for her non-profit agency.      

I don’t have the strength to write about every stupid person I’ve encountered within the past few weeks, but let me just end with this – I am not spending $2 to fax a billing office my receipt just because you made a mistake and you tell me Hippa laws prevent me from sending my scanned receipt that doesn’t even have my name on it via email.  If it was so illegal, why did you crack and allow it when I demanded to speak with your supervisor because I’m not even going to spurge for the price of a stamp because I’m unemployed and can’t afford it?  It is the principle, not the 44 cents people.  If you only knew how much of my time was spent in the past year dealing with mistakes others have made …

Feel free to vent and tell me your stupid people stories.

A few weeks ago I was approached to review The Imperfect Enjoyment by Dewan W. Gibson.  I’m always a sucker for a memoir, and especially one written by a midwestern guy who grew up near the ghetto himself.  But, what hooked me and made me agreed to read it is that he actually put on the back of his book that he was a former international chick banger.  Had me thinking he was like a ghetto James Bond.  I agreed to do it, and I hoped I was in for some laughs.  Thankfully, the book did make me giggle quite a few times and I enjoyed reading it.

I finished the book last night, and just one thought popped into my mind – would the author mind if the girl chosen to review his book had a flat butt?  Because, Dewan sure does love the big booties, and *spoiler* he tells a hilarious tale of sneaking in to the bathroom to give his girlfriends and hook ups the butt test – where he see if his ladies butts cover the toilet bowl or not.  The idea of some guy actually doing this just about killed me.  Then I thought of myself and what my test would look like, and I had to crack up, because even though I’m not a skinny girl, I’d certainly fall right through the seat.  Dewan, I hope we can still be cool.

The book begins with a young Dewan leaving his native Ohio for college and adventure in California.  He certainly finds it, and as the reader it was fun for me to read about his life in the nineties and early 2000’s.  I miss those days myself, so it was a nice little dance down memory lane.  But it made me think how hard it was for a guy to get laid back then.  The things this poor skinny black boy had to go through just for a glimpse of panties.  Ladies, honestly, isn’t it really just about whispering one word – Sex?  You know anytime any one of you wants it, you just have to ask a fellow and it happens, am I right?  Dewan even travels to a foreign country to hook up with a chick named Ms. Booty Mama he met via Myspace.   

Even Dewan’s love interests have their own special stories, and they left memorable impressions on me.  I found myself frustrated as hell at his middle eastern girlfriend, and from time to time wanted to shake her and yell “what are you doing?”  But, my favorite little tale and one that I can not wait for you to read if you buy the book yourself is the chapter that had me dry heaving this morning as I was thinking about it while brushing my teeth.  Agrghhh!  But that’s what lust is all about, and unfortunately, it can be downright dirty and nasty and in this instance, even involve a plunger. 

You can find out more about the author or purchase the book at his website www.imperfectenjoyment.com

So much to be sick of, so little time to blog about all of it.  Seriously, ever since losing my job last month, I have less time to blog.  I don’t even understand how this is possible, but it is true.  I’m so sick of so many things, and I’m beginning with the one that actually is making my stomach literally hurt right now.

Being sick with multiple weird things – Seriously, I was just watching one of my favorite TV shows (HOUSE) and they mentioned Autonomic Neuropathy for a dude who was pronounced dead and during the autopsy, he woke up, since his Bradycardia gave him a low heart rate and EMS mistakenly pronounced him dead.  He woke up when they were sawing through his chest.  The guy’s tooth hurt so bad he pulled it out since his pain meds weren’t strong enough. 

I mention all this because everything is wacky on my body, and within the last few weeks, my heart has went haywire, beating more irregular and I had to wear a heart monitor for a few weeks.  My hair is falling out in huge amounts, and to me, it looks like I have a small balding patch on the left side of my hairline.  For those of you who know my mom, she is nearly bald and I will die if I have that problem.  My headaches are changing, now near my right eye and above my right ear and inside my head.  My vision sucks so bad right now – I put a piece of foil with frosting on it the wrong side up when I was covering a cake last week, so that the messy (but yummy as hell) frosting was face up since I couldn’t see it.  After nearly getting into three car accidents last Friday, I called another eye doctor/surgeon today, since the last one I went to kind of stunk.  Months ago I was told I had multiple retina tears and to go back if things got worse, since I had a one in five chance that my retina will fulling detach.  Agh.  Two weeks to get in!  Now I’m wondering if I should see a genetic doctor who specializes in connective tissue diseases, as I lack collagen and may either have Marfan Syndrome, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, or Sticker Syndrome.  So sick of doctors, and I’ve been having fun forgetting all the things wrong with me.

The “New” Girls Next Door - I’ve regrettably been catching up on episodes from the new season just to see what the new girls are like.  I am sick of these new girls after five minutes, and I think it is a little sad this is how Playboy has to get readers, by pretending 2o years olds are in love with Hef.  Ugh, please spare me.  Somehow I’ve managed to watch all the episodes and I’m ready to puke from the lack of fake acting.  How could Sofia Coppola have cast these two idiots in her new film Somewhere?

I haven’t been this ashamed of a set of Michigan twins since the Mikula Twins.  You guys have to watch them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSSXRonOTu8

Christmas stuff already out in stores - Now, I’m guilty of already buying a few tiny presents, but only because I’ve found some great stocking stuffers and we are budgeting due to the one income.  You just can’t have Halloween stuff and Christmas stuff out at the same time, it ain’t right.  I get distracted by it, and I can’t buy either one this year, and it is breaking my heart not to have those Snoopy decorations I found last week.  Damn you retailers, I can’t handle three months of temptation.

No Worker Left Behind Program- Well, I got my first taste of how the unemployment process here in Michigan works, and I don’t like it one darn bit.  NWLB screwed up my mom’s unemployment, as she had one of the office workers help her file her claim last month.  Took five weeks to fix.  I knew it was a bad omen.  When I had to file my unemployment claim online it took twice as long than the recommended time, and I’m no dumbass.  Then I had to go to the No Worker Left Behind center to validate my resume, and even though they advertised night hours, they were closed with no reason on the door the night I went.  The following week I attended the NWLB training, and surprise, surprise, the program is out of money, and even though they knew about it, the didn’t let us know until 30 minutes into the program.  Why not give us a call, or send an email?  Of course, this month they doubled the training, so there are hundreds of people SOl.  Now, why the hell is anyone going to go through six weeks of training and awful presentations by rude staff only to be put on a waiting list to get 1/2 of the publicized $10,000 for college the state brags about, only to have the program end entirely this June.  I had to raise my hand and tell the entire group that a certain website the director was giving out never existed, and I gave them the actual one, and I had to say I was certain, since I had worked for the organization for many years and had just lost my job from them.  30 minutes in I had to ask the presenter to explain what the program covered and how exactly it worked, since no website or staff member would explain it to me, and she refuse to do so until an hour later.  Then I had to ask her why her staff told me in August I could qualify for the $10,000 if I lost my job, no matter what, when she is telling me there is a family income requirement.  OMG, this program is so jacked up the news did a story on them last week because they weren’t even paying college students tuition vouchers, and these poor people were getting tuition bills for $2,000+.  Obviously, Michigan likes to pretend that the program works when to me, it clearly is jacked up.  Even one of the training workshops forces you to share with multiple strangers your entire work history, email, full name and contact information.  When I mentioned the identity theft that was sure to happen, they looked at me like I was nuts.  You were so right Governor Granholm when you told us that in five years, you’ll be blown away …

Mayo Clinic – After the scheduling fiasco that brought me to Mayo during the week all Neurologists were away on a medical conference was enough stress for the entire year.  If you’ve forgotten, or started reading me after this spring, I was forced to sit in lobbies without eating or drinking all day, every day on standby for nearly every test over ten days and had to get patient reps to beg doctors to see me while also running their labs, as well as not being able to see a Cardiologist was enough stress to just about kill me.  I wrote a post that was so emotional that two readers tweeted it to help me and I was actually contacted by their media director.  Let me also remind you of the address fiasco, where after two weeks and three calls someone finally listened to my suggestion to double check my address and then they still refused to send me my patient info packet until 26 hours before my appointment, forcing my doctor to write another letter about my health for them while he was sick until 2am.  Needless to say neither one of us was thrilled.  Finally, let me remind you of the billing fiasco that took until mid September to fix $7,000 of misbilled charges that they billed to me by mistake. 

So, after all this history, I was not prepared three weeks ago to get a bill from Mayo for nearly $800 for billing charges that were already paid and then suddenly withdrawn by the billing staff.  This comes two weeks after receiving a bill statement with a $0 balance.  I know enough about medical billing having worked in the field that if a bill is paid, you don’t unpay it and expect the patient to cover it.  You certainly don’t tell me before a second audit that it looks like $70 will be taken off the bill, then force me to lose my mind when reviewing the audit report, as the audit amounts is even more than the bill you sent the week before.  I am actually sorry I went to Mayo Clinic, because even though they gave me a diagnosis, nearly six months later I’m still having to deal with THEIR mistakes and rudeness, and no person who is sick wants this extra stress.  It is not my fault they didn’t check their mistakes, and I won’t be paying one cent to them I don’t owe.  I had great insurance and was told by my insurer multiple times this should be covered, etc.  I think Mayo owes me money for the stress and anguish and lost time spent dealing with their incompetence. 

Celebrities.  We can’t stand them, yet we adore them and can’t live without them.  How else would we have known about Ugg boots? 

Michael Chabon – He just rocks. 

Not only has the guy been featured on The Simpsons, and helped co-write part of the script for Spider-Man 2, but he is now writing about the quality of Lego’s in the modern age.  I am so thrilled to hear that he has a new book coming out this month. 

It is titled Manhood for Amateurs: The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father, and Son.  And, wait for it …it’s a memoir.  I’m sure you all know how much I love a memoir!  He’s doing a book tour, but of course, authors rarely come to Michigan, so I’ll miss seeing him read from it.  I first heard of him after watching the movie Wonder Boys, based on his novel by the same name.  I haven’t read all of his books yet, but the three I have are wonderful.  The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay is his best book by far, and not just because he is writing about comic books.  Rumor has it that it’ll be a movie, but, we will have to wait and see. 

Photo property of michaelchabon.com

Tracy Morgan - I’ve been crunching on him ever since 30 Rock finally showed me how funny he was.  (Oh, and don’t forget the season premier is tomorrow night.  FYI, I think this is the funniest show on tv, and I should blog about it, but I don’t.)  I saw Tracy on David Letterman sometime in the past few months and he just killed me. 

But I didn’t even like him much on SNL, and after today, I finally understand why.  I’m a huge fan of old school Saturday Night Live.  Huge.  Never missed an episode until like four or five years ago.  I nearly cried when I got to take a tour in the SNL studio last November.  I enjoyed SNL up until the Kristen Wiig era.  (I don’t understand the appeal of her, can’t believe the coverage EW gave her this week, and after spending 30 hours with her under hot lights on the set of Whip It, I just don’t get it.  She bores me, frankly.)  When I try to watch SNL now I can’t even make it past two skits.  I watched SNL from episode one, and I am not exaggerating.  I was a precocious five year old with insomnia with a bipolar mama and my lust for late night comedy was always satisfied.  But I digress.  Tracy is coming out with a new book I Am the New Black and in it he slams Cheri Oteri and Chris Kattan, and I think its kinda funny.  To quote Tracy “Cheri Oteri, she can’t even get arrested.”  Ah ha ha … love it.  Can’t wait to hear about the fallout over this book.

You have to check Tracy Morgan and Alec Baldwin out in this 30 ROCK clip.

I’ve been distracted by (ADHD) stories of polar ice melting away in 20 years, so I’m outta here.   And, my god, did you hear about the chick who got punched in the head on her book tour?  Manners people, manners.  What ever happened to just spitting in someone’s face?

My first monthly Ghetto Girl Book Club will be held on Tuesday November 10, 2009. 

We will be meeting at my house from 7-9 pm, and for those of you in the blog world, or who just live way too far from me can join us online that night as well. 

The winner of our book club poll was Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen and I’m so excited about this choice.  I saw the movie back in 1999 and watched Angelina Jolie steal the film away from Winona Ryder, which is exactly why she deserved that Oscar.  I’ve always wanted to read the book, and now I finally get to.  We will compare and contrast the book and the film.  You have four weeks to watch or read Girl, Interrupted, so get cracking on it.  This book will be available at your public library, or can be ordered for under $9 at amazon.com. 

Here is a quote from the film to give you a taste of what to expect:

Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60’s. Or maybe I was just a girl… interrupted.

And, a little about the book:

The book is a memoir written by Susanna Kaysen, and it is about her two year stay in a mental hospital as a teenager back in the 1960’s.  Susanna was just 18 years old when she entered McLean Hospital, the very same hospital that once housed some of my favorite writers and musicians, Sylvia Plath, James Taylor, and Ray Charles.

As you all may already know, Halloween is my favorite time of year.  And I adore my sci-fi and comic books, so I thought I’d let you know that Spike TV’s 4th annual Scream Awards will be premiere on Tuesday, October 27 at 10 PM, ET/PT.

 
For my Battlestar Galactica fans, this is a show you can’t miss, as the cast reunites for a final farewell and tribute to horror legend George Romero.  Edward James Olmos, Tricia Helfer, Grace Park, James Callis, Kate Vernon, Katee Sackhoff, Michael Trucco Tahmoh Penikett and executive producer David Eick are all scheduled to be there. 

For my tween, teen, and vampire lovers, the world premiere footage of New Moon will be on this program along with the cast of the film. 

 Spike Tv is partnering with Comic-Con and my fellow comic book geeks can enjoy Tobey Maguire paying tribute to the one and only Stan Lee.  
 
 J.J. Abrams fans will be happy to note that his remake of Star Trek has 17 nominations for the SCREAM 2009 Awards.  

You can vote by visiting www.scream.spike.com until Saturday, October 17.

I had a few minutes to to think about my dual online and in person Ghetto Girl Book Club that I’m starting.  I love books and read like a machine.  I’ve always wanted other people to read the books I like or I think I’d like.  I’ve always wanted to join a book club, and why not start one myself, right?

I’m thinking that our first meeting should be early November, and Tuesday nights work best for me.  Does Tuesday, November 10th from 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm sound good to my guests?  In person guests please comment here only if this date/time works for you, and please give the answers for those who are not savy or cool enough to visit my blog to vote themselves. 

As far as book choices, I’m listing five books that I’ve never read, but have always wanted to read.  All were priced under $9 on amazon.com, most new, some used, and all should be found at your local library if you live in the U.S.   Trust me, I know there are many other amazing books out there to begin with, but I thought for my home guests these books would work best as a stepping stone.  I may have separate bonus online book club reads for the more “nerdier” readers, so check back in later.

Let the voting begin.  By next week we will have a book.  Some votes may be hand entered in later on, as not all my book buds even know about or read my blog.

 

I just adore Halloween.  So when I saw this JibJab holiday video, I had to do it and post it here.  Enjoy!

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/zO9iVIA43AHPkOjp

I’m so damn sick of everything this week.  Every story on the news, every tabloid, just everything I read, hear, or see.  I miss the days of less is more.  But, here are my top things that make me want to totally gag this week.

 The KON couple - I know, who isn’t sick of them?  I want to be done blogging about them.  But their constant over exposure makes me get sick of them even more, thus, they stick out in my mind every time I type the words I’m so damn sick of …  I’m not even going to give them the press by calling them by their real names.  This weekend was filled was Kon drama – I saw dumb dumband his attorney on Larry King Live last night acting all concerned for the very children he’s exploited for four years, and talking about he’s wanting the show cancelled, even though he just filmed the week before.  Today I saw bitch face big bird hair crying that she can’t feed her kids, and it made me just want to scream AAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  

At least I got a huge laugh about an hour ago when I learned that dumb dumb was in New York promoting his new namesake milkshake, and had to laugh because who in their right mind would want to drink a dumb dumb flavored milkshake?

Michigan not giving any love – Every month I read all the economic reports, articles, and news stories about our countries ecconomic crisis, so I can see how the rest of the U.S. outside of Michigan is doing.  Tonight I notice that yet againMichigan gets no economic love or attention.  While we came in second behind Nevada as the state with the biggest year-to-year increases in economic stress, we get no follow up sentence, no picture, nothing.  Even though Michigan unemployment this past August was 15.2%, and home foreclosures are at 17.59%, we are mentioned in the middle of the article, with just a simple sentence naming us last.  How tragic.  I can’t say it enough, we are all not auto workers here.  Poor Michigan, even the citizens hate our beautiful.  Just look at this picture I found on Photobucket, shame shame shame.

   

Losing my eyelashes - Yep, another weirdo health thing with me.  All of a sudden my loss of eye lashes has been getting more noticeable.  Funny how my eye doctor didn’t give me meds, because the warm wash cloths over my eyes each night aren’t helping at all.  The styes just keep coming.  Darn you Blepharitis, I’m too vain to lose eyelashes.  You know how I idolize thick, black, and long eyelashes.  Pretty soon I’m going to look like this:  

My real life friends The Big A and My Weight Loss Story gave me a great idea tonight.  Why not start a Ghetto Girl Book Club for my real life friends, and I can blog about it for my online friends or for those who can’t make it?  I have always wanted to do a book club, but thought no one would come.  It is hard enough getting folks here for candle and spa parties, but after reading I think The ghetto bitch needs to start one for us! I knew I had to rise up to the challenge.

Being a Ghetto Girl, I thought of a few different book club ideas.  Let me know your thoughts on each idea, as I have no clue as to what everyone whose interested wants.

• For the busy and/or lazy who can’t or won’t read the books assigned each month, why not do books that are also movies every other month, so we can compare and contrast, and if you haven’t seen the book, you could at least rent the movie?
• For the unemployed and budgeting friends, let’s have it at each others houses rather than out at a restaurant.  Or just have one night out somewhere yummy every several months.  Now, I am kid free every Monday or Tuesday night, do either one of those nights sound ok?  Right now I can’t think of my tv shows, so this is t.b.d.  We can do bring your own snacks and drinks to each house, or we can rotate at each other’s houses and that person host snacks, but maybe just like one snack so you don’t feel overwhelmed, etc.
• I’d like to pick out most of the books, but its up for discussion.  If I make you read Jane Austen, I don’t want to hear one bit of flack.  There is a reason why her books are as popular as they are today.  I’m going to remind those of you who went to see The Jane Austen Book Club with me and surprize, you really liked the movie.  I’m going to pick british literature, memoirs, fiction, non-fiction, classics, humor, maybe even history or sci-fi from time to time to keep it interesting.  And, for kicks, the occasional tween and teen books.  Who wouldn’t want to reread Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret.
• For the online part of the book club, how should we do this?  Do you want me to just write a brief post, and let the discussion flow naturally?  Maybe we can post a few thoughts while we are meeting if we are at home?  Or post certain questions, and have you all respond to those you want to answer? 

Ok, I’m of to announce this on Facebook.  Please let me know what you think … and by next week hopefully I can post the first book up for discussion.  Any book recommendations, and if so, why?

Hell yes, I’ve joined the ranks of the unemployed.  And, magically, I’m not even an auto worker.  Just a former civil service worker with a useless degree in Public Administration.  I’m not even sure how I feel about all of this yet.  I mean, I’m not thrilled, just dazed and confused is all.

My last day of work was weird, no party, just a group card filled with guilt money; a gift card to Chicken Shack (Where you will find the best ribs in Detroit) and a few real tears by the good co-workers with souls.  My favorite part of the day was when I read what the idiot co-worker wrote in my card - It’s been fun.  Well, sorry sweetie, not for me it hasn’t been!  

I started a new volunteer job this week, and already kinda hate the other volunteer, since she refusedto share the one chair, and she wouldn’t do any of the hard work.  Great, just my damn luck.  I then went to Salvation Army to see if I could find any of the barbies and Breyer Horses I donated by poor decision last year, but found a beautiful black ball gown I was in love with and should have bought for $20.  My whole life has been about fashion, even when I was dressed in cheap Kohl’s clothes because I was poor.  I crave good clothes like I crave food and air.  What a dress.  I looked fantasticin it, and I am not even exaggerating.  It was like a black wedding gown, not as poofy as this, but you get the idea. 

I sadly ate a lot of raw cookie dough and went down to the Michigan Works office where I encountered crazy and stressed out staff who inform me if I attend the resume workshops they put everyone’s resumes up on the overhead and go through all of them line by line?  Are you kidding me, you’re going to force me to share my name, address, email, phone, and work historyto a bunch of strangers so my identity can  be ripped off?  I argued that point with the staff but they poo poo’d my concerns.  Yeah, I won’t be attending that class.  The dude there forgot to tell me to print my resume twice and refused to give it back to me to make a second copy in the copier two feet away, and forced me to go back online and print another to simply hand over to his co-worker’s desk.  Obviously these people are so overworked they have all went insane.  I am attending the No Worker Left Behind program, where I can get $10,000 for college to be retrained, since I have a worthless degree in a field that is shrinking.  I can’t wait to sit through eight hours with a bunch of nuts next week.  They inform me that they lock the doors the second it starts, but to be only 15 minutes early, since they refuse to let people into the classrooms any earlier.  LOL!  I love a challenge like this.  I can’t wait until they challenge me about my water bottle, since no drink is allowed for the eight hour day and I can’t go more than 15 minutes without water for my dizziness.  Just wait until I pull the health disability card. 

I wonder what everyone else who is unemployed here in Michigan does with their time?  I’ve got 26 weeks of unemployment before the money runs out … and while I certainly can fill my time with writing, reading, day dreaming, cooking, eating cookie dough, volunteering and watching tv, just what the hell is everyone else doing?  Because only fifteen or so people were at Michigan Works when I stopped in earlier this week.  Where is the other 1.5 million others?  Last weekend I spent the entire weekend fantasizing about volunteer vacations.  I was this close to signing up for a month in Bryce Canyon with the National Park Service, my former dream job. 

This week I’ve been daydreaming about a combo trip to Savannah, Georgia and Charleston, S. Carolina.  I blame Pat Conroy, as I finally just finsihed South of Broad, which in a word, was FABULOUS.  When the travel brochures arrived in the mail today, hubby just rolled his eyes at me and said mmm hhhmm.  Hey, you know I’m a dreamer!  I wish I had the opportunity to go live rent free somewhere for awhile and just write.  I looked into house sitting all over the U.S., but most jobs I found on Craigslist looked creepy.  Then I was looking a ride sharing, and that terrified me.  My god, do people honestly just jump into cars with strangers?  Again, I thought I had found my brother online by several ads he posted for a woman to drive with him to Vegas.  And another where he repeatedly asked for a driver to go to California.  Ladies, if you live in Michigan, do not answer these ads, as I’m sure baby brother is a future Dexter in training.  Except, minus the whole going after the ones who deserve it kind of thing. 

 

Anyhoo, if you blog readers are unemployed, tell me just what the hell you do all week long while the family is at work and school and you are home alone?  Curious minds want to know.

Oh, and if you think your Michigan job might  be at risk, go learn more about unemployment, go here.